Neil

’Twas the night before Christmas…

Even with COVID, the average American lifespan is still 77 years, which is an increase of almost two years from just a few decades ago.

Now that we’ve made it through Thanksgiving, our thoughts naturally turn to improving our diets.

Like many of us of a certain age, I thought enrolling in Medicare would be easy.

This is a true story.

You’ve tried Post-it notes, mnemonic devices, mindfulness and slapping your forehead with the palm of your hand.

After screwing up the world for the last 50 years or so, baby boomers are no longer lead players in our culture.

It’s getting to be that time of year again, when our inboxes and mailboxes are flooded with solicitations from health insurance companies.

Been to the gym lately?

Yes, most of the time, we Google an answer.

Eat more of this, eat less of that. Or maybe it’s eat more of that and eat less of this.

Why do you say “frequently asked questions” rather than FAQs?

People are traveling again.

Not that long ago, I considered running a half marathon.

What’s the most difficult part of adapting to our new high-tech world if you’re pretty much an old-tech person?

In a discussion the other day at the gym with my personal trainer, I asked one very obvious question: What am I doing with a personal trainer? What are any of us doing with a personal trainer?

That is, like many of those in my generation, I am trying to remain as youthful as possible and hold on to my youthful past.

Who among us doesn’t have a roster something like this?

As we age, we gain a number of things — wisdom, weight and, of course, prescriptions.

Have you been forgetting things lately, like where your glasses are or the names of your children?

During this period of prolonged isolation, enforced quarantine and abundant Cheetos, have you been gaining weight?

I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

In honor of Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about marriage. How do you stay married for a long time?

Hi, my name is Chad and I’ll be your server this evening unless you want Carson because he actually knows that quinoa is pronounced keen-wa.

Social media, of course, has become a big part of our lives, particularly during the COVID pandemic.

Do you ever get the feeling that sometimes everybody — particularly those who are digital natives or just, say, younger than our socks — is speaking a different language than we are? I know, it could be French or Spanish, but it’s probably emoji.   

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town

not a hashtag was liked, even Twitter was down.

We would like to apologize for a series of errors that have appeared in previous columns.

A classic Thanksgiving dish, updated for these perilous, angry times (heartburn included).

Each year past the age of 40 we lose 3.5% of our muscle mass. If anyone has found where it is, please let me know.

HELP! I CAN’T REMEMBER MY PASSWORDS By Neil Offen Naps are good. Studies from the National Institutes of Snoring have shown that 82% of Nobel Prize winners have taken naps….