Steven Petrow and The Joy You Make

ORANGE SLICES

By Laurie Paolicelli

Steven Petrow.

“I have now come to believe that joy is at the core of all of us, but as we grow up, it is hidden, overshadowed, even distorted. But not erased.” — Steven Petrow

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A book by Hillsborough writer Steven Petrow is always a cause for celebration, but his new book is also a cause for joy. In fact, that’s its title: The Joy You Make: Find The Silver Linings—Even on Your Darkest Days. 

Petrow appears to have a big life. His byline is often seen in The Washington Post, New York Times, and other major media outlets. He’s on a first name basis with Maria Shiver, Katie Couric, and countless others who live in the glow of the media limelight. Closer to home, he’s very proud to be the 2024 North Carolina Piedmont Laureate, a role intended to promote writers, their craft, and their engagement with the Orange, Durham, and Wake communities.

But he’s no different than the rest of us; nothing is purely what it seems. When we lean in — when we really see someone — we realize they are as fragile as we are, endure challenging and often life-altering trials, and often experience more dark moments than joyous ones. In other words, we’re all about the same.

Steven Petrow is the perfect example. He survived agonizing testicular cancer at a young age, divorce from a husband he loved. Raised in a close-knit family, when his mother died it rocked his very foundation, and then, just months later, his father died too.

Later that same year his sister Julie — his best friend — was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and Steven hit rock bottom. 

After all of this, finding joy wasn’t easy.

Steven with his sister Julie and brother Jay, the year before Julie died. The three were very close.

Petrow’s new book details how he rediscovered joy in his life and offers powerful suggestions, even an instruction guide, on how joy and deep grief co-exist — and how to accept that.

“Otherwise,” he says, “life is unbearable. Joy is this incredible act of survival, but also of resistance, of asserting that I am going to make a demand of life, specifically what it refuses to give me.”

Petrow writes about the incremental but momentous steps he took towards finding more personal satisfaction. “Joy is a direction,” he says, “not a destination.”

Here are some of his thoughts and suggestions — directions to finding joy wherever it’s hiding:

Freudenfreude

Many of us know what schadenfreude means; few of us are familiar with freudenfreude. It’s this: taking of pleasure in someone else’s good fortune. It goes by other names, including positive empathy, sympathetic joy, or empathetic happiness. The bottom line is that experiencing empathy boosts our overall sense of well-being.

Authentic Connection

Authentic connection starts with being connected to ourselves, knowing what matters to us, and knowing who we care about deeply. It morphs into dropping our facades, showing vulnerability, and sharing our true feelings.

Getting Lost

Rebecca Solnit authored A Field Guide to Getting Lost, which speaks to the joy of wandering in an unknown geography. In a similar way, that thing, the nature of which is unknown to you, is what you need to find. Finding it is sometimes a matter of getting lost. 

The book offers so much more. Seemingly minor modifications in how we live our lives can help: simply saying hello to others or joining a community group. “When a person cultivates a sense of appreciation,” Petrow writes, “a sense of wonder, a sense of aliveness and vitality, it is an exceptionally reliable way of developing more joy.”

Jamie Daniel-Farrell, who specializes in marriage counseling, is one of Petrow’s inspirations. “If you’re brave enough to let your story be known,” she writes, “others going through a similar experience will come out of the woodwork and be drawn to you. Genuinely supportive friendships can form.”

“Play,” she says, “is about taking risks — we discover something new about ourselves.”

Petrow has firsthand knowledge here. He had long given up tennis and his skills had diminished. But in a desperate attempt to alter his mood he started playing again with the Orange Tennis Club in Hillsborough — and set his ego aside. “While on the tennis court, I feel very much connected to my younger self. I accepted myself and didn’t worry about perfectionism.” I suck but it’s fun, he added.

Exercise, music and reading also have the power to bring you out of the darkness and into the world we always long to live in: a world of joy.

And on the subject of music Petrow waxes with playful enthusiasm. “When I think about Gloria Gaynor, best known for the 1970s disco hit “I Will Survive,” I recall not only the pulsing beat but its underlying message of personal empowerment and resilience, just the shot of joy I can always count on to find my way out of the darkness.”

In Hillsborough, Petrow surrounds himself with friends and is committed to finding joy wherever he can. He admits he doesn’t know all the answers, but that’s ok. “Uncertainty and unpredictability—suddenly and surprisingly— is where you find an opening for hope.” 

Steven recording the audio edition of The Joy You Make at Sonark Studios in Hillsborough.

Where to buy JOY

It will be available at all our local bookstores including Flyleaf and Purple Crow, and Steven says he hopes you buy local. The publisher has created a link to eight retailers here.

Steven’s Public Readings

Steven will be at Flyleaf Books on Thursday, September 12, 2024 at 6:00 pm, in conversation with Bridget Booher, another of Hillsborough’s many writers. Click here for more details.

A week later on September 19, 2024 at 6:30 pm, Steven will be in conversation with Dale Edwards, managing editor of The News of Orange at the Eno River Mill in partnership with Purple Crow Books and the Orange County Arts Council.

Watch the video of Steve Petrow as he shows Our State magazine writers around Hillsborough:

Laurie Paolicelli is executive director for the Chapel Hill/Orange County Visitors Bureau, a position she has held since 2005. Laurie has worked in tourism and marketing for twenty-five years, having served in leadership roles in Houston and California convention and visitor bureaus. She is a native of the Twin Ports of Duluth, MN/Superior Wisconsin. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Business and Communications from the University Wisconsin-Superior and graduate certification in Technology In Marketing from the UNC-Chapel Hill’s Hussman School of Journalism and Media.
This reporter can be reached at Info@TheLocalReporter.press