The Privilege of Growing Older

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW

By Kit Flynn
Columnist

There is no doubt that we all complain about the aging process. Aging is seemingly endless – until it isn’t. It can be painful, it can be humiliating, it can be a real pain in the neck. But I have also realized since moving to a retirement center (technically a CCRC standing for Continuing Care Retirement Center) that it’s also a privilege to experience aging.

What do I mean by this? Think of all the people you have known who never had the chance to age. My high school graduating class consisted of sixty individuals, a quarter of whom are no longer with us. All along the way we hear of individuals in our class who have died. Feeling a great sadness even though I haven’t seen many of these members for sixty-six years, I have suddenly realized that they never had the chance to experience the twilight of our years.

This twilight I now determine as something that is beneficial. I admire those who have diseases that confine them to their wheelchairs as many remain cheerful and uncomplaining, while still maintaining a certain relish for living. I see those whose senses are not as functional as they once were. Balance becomes an issue, forcing the use of walkers and motorized wheelchairs. No one has ever said this next-to-the final passage is easy.

With luck, there is little pain involved. With luck, brain activity is still functioning. Please do not misunderstand me as I’m the first one to acknowledge that there are certain aspects of aging that are intolerable. There are a number of diseases that no one wants. Broken hips and pelvises make an unwelcome appearance.

However, there are certain benefits that come with age. Because I had a change of address that came with a new place to vote, I found that the two-year allowance of driving with an expired driver’s license was not an option – and there wasn’t an appointment available in the whole state.

Instead, I did what any good Washington DC-reared person would do: I wrote to my local state representative, state senator, and the governor, explaining that at my ripe old age, I really couldn’t stand in line for three hours in order to get through the doors. My state representative, Allen Buansi, came through with flying colors, and soon I had an appointment with the NC Motor Vehicles.

I also now drive with a handicap sticker, a marvelous prerogative for the elderly. Yes, I can walk but only for short distances. No, I do not feel guilty about using this sticker as I feel that I have earned it and am using it because I need it.

Stress doesn’t have quite the same hold on me that it used to. Chantal took out the furnace and air conditioning in my house that is on the market. Yes, I panicked because the HVAC company I used couldn’t even look at the house for six days. My realtor got ahold of a great company that came out immediately, gave us an estimate for replacement, a replacement that occurred quickly afterwards. I found that as soon as there was a plan in place in my head I was able to relax somewhat.

In many respects I have found that I’m emotionally more resilient. I have a granddaughter who will be heading to Senegal with the Peace Corps in September to live in a village without running water. Twenty years ago, I would have been fraught with worry. Now my hat is off to her as her parents are reconciled to her plans and so many come back from the Peace Corps changed in admirable ways.

I no longer have any desire to keep up with the Joneses – in fact, I no longer lust after things. Having gone through a period of extreme downsizing (with the marvelous help of The Downsizers), I have become part of that demographic that no longer purchases much. Yes, if I need a pill splitter, I still turn to Amazon but I’m impervious to most outside enticements.

One thing I have discovered about aging is this: If yours is a problematic personality starting out, you’ll unfortunately become more difficult. However, the opposite is also true: If you have worked on curbing your less fortunate personality attributes, you will end up as a nicer person. If you have always been a faultfinder, you will become a chronic complainer. Now is the time to freshen up on those positive personality traits, discarding the unappealing ones.

So, my advice is this: Prepare for the aging process. Keep in mind that aging doesn’t have to be hideous, but it does require a certain amount of luck. Remember all those who were in your life who didn’t have a chance to age. Expand your positive qualities. Concentrate on the medical blessing the Triangle offers.

As I write this, I’m walking three dogs four times a day, giving me the walking exercise I need, although it is July in North Carolina, meaning it is hot, hot, hot. Just remember that autumn isn’t far behind – and that keeps my mind from disintegrating in this heat.